11.03.13 The Chalk Diaries: Happy Mothers Day from your daughter

Tracey Chalk's mum - chalkboardliving.com

Happy mother’s day fellow mamas.

Today I think of my mother and I am immediately overcome with a wash of sadness which is …unusual. I no longer think of her daily but next year marks 20 years since I saw her. That’s a long time.

Today I think of you and say thank you for being strict, for loving me. I definitely knew I was loved. Thanks for letting me have my ears pierced a month before you died. A month earlier than I should have been allowed. I was still 15 and you were adamant we waited until 16 but then I guess you ran out of time. I think it’s pretty cool what you did though. You threw the rule book at the window and laughed in the face of death staring back at you and let me do it. Just so you could could see me grow up that little bit more before you left. I want you to know I still remember that and I like it. It makes me smile.

I no longer cry when I think of you. (Except of course right now but hey it feels good.) I smile. I’m happy I belonged to you and no one else. You will always be a part of me and that means you will be a part of my children too. Even if they don’t know it, even if they never really care. I know, I care. Everyone is born and everyone dies. I get it. I like that too. I’m with peace about all that stuff.

Did you realise when you carried me inside your tummy that you also carried my children too? Because a girl baby has all it’s eggs inside it’s womb, that it will ever have before it is born. I think that’s kind of freaky but cool too.

I like how you were as beautiful when you died as when you were young. I wish I knew you then. I think you would have been a pretty rad person to hang out with. In fact I think you’d still be a pretty cool person to hang out with now. In the rose tinted spectacles that grief leaves behind once it has passed through I think I loved everything about you, though I know it can’t be true, but for the life of me I cannot remember a single thing now I didn’t like. You are forever rose tinted. I kind of like that too.

I love the picture of you above. I think it may be my favourite. Someone recently told me a fabulous story about your 21st birthday party. It made me so happy to hear it – like uncovering a secret diary you wrote, except you didn’t. Shame. I might write it down one day soon.

So there’s the thing. I’ve started writing some stuff down too. I have this book. I’ve started writing lists. If I die tomorrow I want my kids to know who my pets were when I was little and inane random facts like that as much as I want them to know which were the best days of my life and my first boyfriend. I think everyone should do that -write stuff down.

Ok that’s it for today. I guess I just wanted to say thanks. It was good while it lasted.

And look what the kids brought me back…

my mother's day flowers

I’m pretty happy, lucky and all that other stuff most people feel on a daily basis when they look at their darling kids and realise each and every one of them is happy and healthy too. Long may it last.

I hope all of you have the good fortune to feel happy and lucky today too. Today was a blip of deep and meaningful…wah wah wah, but I promise I’m back to house tours and new cool features on the blog next week.

Enjoy this week. I can feel it’s going to be a good’un!

Tracey x

 

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14 Responses to “The Chalk Diaries: Happy Mothers Day from your daughter”

  1. Laura March 11, 2013 at 7:28 am #

    Beautiful words Tracey. Your mum would be very proud of you. Who you are, what you have achieved. How you are bringing up 3 incredible children. I always admire your positive mind living with out both parents and never a complaint. I don’t know how you have done it but I salute you. Love you xxx

  2. Tracey Chalk March 11, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

    Thanks Laura. I think we all have that little something in us to survive regardless of our situation. Besides i could never look on any situation in a negative way or i’d be miserable and that would be no life worth living at all. ;)

  3. Scandi Coast Home March 11, 2013 at 8:19 pm #

    beautifully written and bravely shared……
    Tania xx

    • TraceyChalk March 12, 2013 at 11:57 am #

      Thanks for reading Tania. x

  4. katie March 11, 2013 at 9:26 pm #

    What a beautiful post. I find Mothers’ Day so bittersweet, I miss my Mum so much too and find it hard to handle the marketing overkill as the day approaches. Your idea of a little notebook has me full of tears but I think it’s a wonderful idea, there are so many tiny details I’d like to ask my parents about but its too late. Your Mum’s photo is just fantastic, thanks for sharing it with us. Katie x

    • TraceyChalk March 12, 2013 at 11:57 am #

      Thank you Katie. I know what you mean. I’d love to know more about her teenage youth!

  5. Lena March 12, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

    Hi Tracey, that is the most beautiful mothers’ day post I’ve ever read. I read it yesterday on my phone, otherwise I’d have commented right away. Well, after wiping off my tears of course. Thanks for sharing and putting things back into perspective – you know, what’s really important in life and those little things we tend to forget in our everyday routine. Have a wonderful week!

  6. Holly {Avenue} March 12, 2013 at 8:32 pm #

    Tracey. I have tears rolling down my cheeks as I type this. Such simple yet beautiful words you shared with us today. Thank you. I cam very close to losing my mum twice when I was the same age as you were when you lost yours. I can’t begin to imagine what that must have been like. You’re such a sunny and vibrant person, and I am so pleased to have met you this last weekend. Love your blog. Will be back!! Holly x

    • TraceyChalk March 14, 2013 at 10:22 pm #

      Thanks Holly, lovely to see your new blog up and running too. Great to meet you. Catch up soon. Big kiss for your baby Lola! xx

  7. geraldine March 13, 2013 at 7:10 pm #

    Tracey, I’m so sorry I only managed to read this post now. It is such a beautiful piece – a few tears formed. I started thinking of my dad who has passed on too. I can see how you love your kids and cherish every moment – I feel the same way too. It was really lovely seeing you this weekend, hope you found your dress for the party. Big hugs xx

    • TraceyChalk March 14, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

      I always have hugs for you Geraldine. ;)

  8. Sam March 15, 2013 at 9:05 pm #

    Happy Belated Mother’s Day. What a lovely post, thanks for sharing your thoughts on your mum, I know you’ve shared this before with me, but it’s still as poignant the second time around. I love your philosophy on life and death and your general positivity about everything in life. Much love x

  9. Matt March 16, 2013 at 7:14 am #

    Your honestly leaves me broken but at the same time happy. It’s all about the attitude to gratitude and we can all learn something about that from you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and memories. You’re a true hero of mine xx

  10. Sarah Bear March 20, 2013 at 10:30 pm #

    My inspiration. Positive things definitley come out of life’s toughest times. But you are you because of your mum’s (too short) life and although I cry for you, I am so grateful for you. Thank you Mrs Payne, your daughter is truly one of life’s good ones xxx

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